Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why are blondes so easy?

A: Who cares.

A blonde, looking to earn some extra money, decided to offer her services as a "handy woman" and started canvassing an affluent nearby neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $100?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "She was just up here, how could she have missed it?"

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $100 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porsche, it's a Lexus."

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?!? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?" He quickly adds" . . . think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm . . . the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer . . . wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.

One day, a blonde goes into a store. She gets an item and walks up to the cashier. She says,"I'd like to buy this TV".

He says,"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes".

The next day, she dyes her hair red and goes back in the store, but the same thing happens.

Finally, she shaves her head and goes back in. When she tries to buy it for the third time, the man refuses.

She says, "How the hell do you know I'm blonde?".

He replied, "First of all, that's a microwave." Thw

Three construction workers are on the seventy-fifth floor of a non-finished building. The italian opens his lunch box to find a pizza and says "Man, if I get pizza one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The chinese opens his lunch box to find rice and says "Man, if I get rice one more time I am going to jump off this building and fall to my death!" The blonde opens his lunch box to find a cheeseburger and says" Man, if I get a cheeseburger one more time im going to jump off this building and fall to my death!"

So the next day they all got the same thing and they jumped off the building to their death. That weekend at the funeral, the italian and the chinese wives are crying and saying "I would have fixed him something else for lunch but he never told me." And as the two wives stare at the blondes wife, they both ask why she isn't sad about her husbands death, the blonde reply's "Don't look at me, he packs his own lunch."

One day a blonde came home from school and came to her mother and said, "Hey, Mommy! Mommy! Today in school we learned to count. The other kids could only count to three but I can count to Ten..... 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

The mother responds, "Very good honey." The blonde asks, "Is that because I'm a blonde mommy?" And the mother responds, "Yes dear."

Next day the blonde came home and went to her mother and said, "Today in school we learned our ABCs! The other kids could only get to D but I can get to K! .... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K!"

The mother says, "Very good honey." The blonde then asked. "Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?" The mother responds, "Yes dear."

The third day the blonde come home from school and said to her mother, "Mommy today in school we went swimming! But I was the only one who had breasts. Is that because I'm a blonde, Mommy?"
And the mother responds, "No Honey, it's because you're twenty five."

A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself.

A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists.

"What are you doing." they ask her.

So she replies "Hanging myself."

The men are confused and asked "If you are hanging yourself, you put the rope around your neck."

The blond says "Duh....I tried that, I couldn't breath."

On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.

God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.

So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.

The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.

But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.

God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"

The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"

There are three moms. .

A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde.

They were all talking one day and the brunette says "Oh my gosh y'all I went through my daughter's purse the other day to get some gum, and I found an ounce of weed. I cannot believe she smokes weed"

They comfort her, and the redhead says "Yeah, well I found a fake I. D. In my daughter's purse. I cannot believe she has one". So they all comfort her.

Then the blonde says "That's nothing. I found a condom in my daughter's purse. I just cannot believe she has a penis"

One day a man was driving down the road in a hot red convertable.

He was driving 15 mph when a rabbit that hopped in front of his car.

As the man swerved the rabbit swerved also and was run over.

The man got out of the car and started crying "OH-MY-GOD... OH-MY-GOD!!!!"

Just then a blonde drives up and asks him what's wrong, when he tells her she says, "Oh I can fix that."

She goes to her car, pulls out a can and sprays the rabbit with it.

It instantly comes alive and hops off, but every five feet it turns back to wave, before finally dissappearing into the forrest.

The guy is amazed and says, "how did you do that?"

The blonde just tosses him the can and drives off.

The can says "Hair Spray: Guarenteed to bring your hair back to life and create a permanent wave."

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.

"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?"

After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extra terrestrial life on the planet."

They said "well okay, thank you." And told her that they would get back to her.

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, "thank you" and they would get back to her.

Finally, the blond entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."

The people from NASA replied, "why, don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"

The blond smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Shit, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Three women are about to be
executed. One's a brunette, one's a
redhead and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette
forward and the executioner asks if
she has any last requests. She says
no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the brunette yells, ''EARTHQUAKE!!!'' Everyone is startled and throws
themselves on the ground while
she escapes. The guard brings the redhead
forward and the executioner asks if
she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner
shouts, ''Ready! Aim!'' Suddenly the redhead yells, ''TORNADO!!!'' Everyone is startled and looks
around for cover while she escapes. By now the blonde has it all figured
out. The guard brings her forward
and the executioner asks if she has
any last requests. She says no and the executioner
shouts, "Ready! Aim!'' and the blonde yells, ''FIRE!!!'''

A dumb blonde was really tired of
being made fun of, so she decided to
dye her hair so she would look like a
brunette. Once she was finished and
her hair was brown, she decided to
take a drive in the country. After she had been driving for a while,
she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep
and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the
farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try. The blonde looked at the flock and
guessed, "157." The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like
a brunette), picked one out and got
back into her car. Before she left, farmer walked up to
her and said. "If I can guess the real color of your
hair, can I have my dog back?"

Three blondes are sitting by the side of
a river holding fishing poles with the
lines in the water. A Game Warden
comes up behind them, taps them on
the shoulder and says, "Excuse me,
ladies, I'd like to see your fishing licenses." "We don't have any," replied the first
blonde. "Well, if you're going to fish, you need
fishing licenses," said the Game
Warden. "But officer," replied the second
blonde, "we aren't fishing. We all have
magnets at the end of our lines and
we're collecting debris off the bottom
of the river." The Game Warden lifted up all the lines
and, sure enough, there were
horseshoe magnets tied on the end of
each line. "Well, I know of no law
against it," said the Game Warden.
"Take all the debris you want." And with that, he left. As soon as the Game Warden was out
of sight, the three blondes started
laughing hysterically. "What a dumb
Fish Cop," the second blonde said to
the other two. "Doesn't he know that
there are steelhead trout in this river?"

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in
the street and see a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this? The cowboy says "Well it's like this Sheriff....I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her trailer with her, so I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt...so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants...so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts...so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says " Now go to town cowboy...." And here I am.

A blonde and a redhead met for
dinner after work and were watching
the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown
threatening to jump from the Brooklyn
Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead
$50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!" Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so
the blonde gave the redhead the $50
she owned. The redhead said, "I can't
take this, you're my friend." The
blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet." So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to
admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock
news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but
I never thought he'd jump again!"

A blonde walks into a bank in New
York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on
business for two weeks and needs to
borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will
need some kind Of security for the
loan, so the blonde hands over the
keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500. The car is parked on the street in front
of the bank, she has the title and
everything checks out. The bank
agrees to accept the car collateral for
the loan. The bank's president and its officers all
enjoy a good laugh at The blond for
using a $110,000 Benz as collateral
against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then
proceeds to drive the Benz into the
bank's underground garage and
parks it there. Two weeks later, the
blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and
the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are
very happy to have had your
business, and this transaction has
worked out very nicely, but we are a
little puzzled. While you were away,
we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you
bother to borrow $5,000?" The blonde replies, "Where else in
New York City can I park my Car for
two weeks for only $15.41 and
expect it to be there when I return?" Finally... a smart blonde joke.

Two gorgeous blonde biologists were
in the field one fine summer day. While
following a game trail, they came
across a pair of tracks. "Look! a pair of
tracks" The first blonde said while
pointing to the ground. "Those are deer tracks," the other
blonde replied.
"Oh no,"she said to the first, "Those
are definitely moose tracks."
With this, they began to argue. In fact,
they were still arguing when the train hit them.