Dear Tech Support:

Years ago I upgraded from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon
noticed that the new program
began unexpected child processing
that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition,
Wife 1.0 installed itself into all
other programs and now monitors
all other system activity, such as
Happy Hour 64, Golf 2.3, Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6.
Girlfriend 7.0 ran smoothly with all
of these applications. I can't seem to
keep Wife 1.0 in the background
while attempting to run my
favourite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0,
but the uninstall doesn't work on
Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,

A Troubled User.

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REPLY:

Dear Troubled User,

This is a very common problem that
men complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is
designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible
to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to
Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to
uninstall, or purge the program files
from the system once Installed! You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0
because Wife 1.0 is designed to not
allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0
manual under Warnings - Alimony/
Child Support. I recommend that
you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest
installing the background
application "Yes Dear" to alleviate
software augmentation. The best course of action is to enter
the command C:\APOLOGISE
because ultimately you will have
to give the APOLOGISE command
before the system will return to
normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and
Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills
4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this
happens, the only way to improve
the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I
recommend Flowers 2.1 and
Diamonds 5.0! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 36.24. This application is not supported by
Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible
damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,

Tech Support

Ps. Some users have been successful
with Wife 1.2 or even Wife 1.3,
however, I do not recommend
unless you read the owner's manual first.