The European Union commissioners
have announced that agreement
has been reached to adopt English
as the preferred language for
European communications, rather
than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the
British government conceded that
English spelling had some room for
improvement and has accepted a
five year phased plan for what will
be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used
instead of the soft "c". Sertainly,
sivil servants will reseive this news
with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be
replaced with "k". Not only will this
klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing public
enthusiasm in the sekond year,
when the troublesome "ph" will be
replased by "f". This will make
words like "fotograf" 20 persent
shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse
of the new spelling kan be expected to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the language is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be
reseptiv to steps such as replasing
"th" by "z" and "w" by "v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "0" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud, of kors, be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be
speking German lik zey vunted in
ze forst plas…